I begin my story by explaining that my ultimate career goal was to become a teacher to help bring out the best in children so that they could achieve their destinies in passionate and empowering ways.
What I learned in my five years of teaching is that a teacher wears many hats – educator, cheerleader, advocate, nurse and so on. My favorite hat by far was that of the counselor. The counselor hat allowed me to meet the needs of my students who often needed help with problem solving, sharing, coping with trauma, and self-regulating their emotions. Of course, the academic part of my job was important, but I felt a consistent urgency and fulfilment from fostering the development of children’s social and emotional skills.
From my experiences in the classroom grew a desire to dive deeper into the mental wellbeing of young people which led to my enrollment in the Master of Science Counseling Psychology program (MSCP) at Azusa Pacific University (APU). While many psychology-related programs focus on preparing clinicians to primarily serve a variety of adult populations, the MSCP prepares clinicians to specialize in the needs of children and youth. In addition, the program provides fieldwork in the community with real life hands-on experiences, working with vulnerable families. The fieldwork experience provides opportunities to enhance our understanding of working with families living under chaotic and unpredictable circumstances.
For the past five months, I have been a family coach to a young, single mother, her 9-year-old daughter, and an infant daughter born at the end of March. (Due to confidentiality, we refer to the single mother as Carmen. It is not her real name). My assignment as Carmen’s coach is to help her accomplish her primary goal of reunifying with her oldest daughter that was placed in the foster care system last year, and to prevent the removal of her infant daughter and placement into the foster care system.
From a young age, I have been shown the power of supporting and serving others. Both of my parents modeled how rewarding it can be to lift others up in times of need. Their commitment to improving as parents also demonstrated the immense work that goes into this role and the often-downplayed notion that all parents need support throughout the journey.
From my studies and life experiences, I have seen how crucial the relationship between caregiver and child is, as well as its delicateness. That bond -- when forcibly shattered or disrupted is devastating for both parent and child. Bonding is an important human instinct that gives children a sense of security and self-esteem – and it is my purpose to do my best to reinforce that bond for every child, parent or caregiver that comes into my life, one small step at a time.
While there are many elements to the BFFI training program, our focus is to use a parent-child relationship approach and to integrate Protective Factors for strengthening and connecting families with each other in meaningful ways. This strong connection encourages and enhances children’s self-esteem. In addition, it favors the development of their autonomy and personality from an early age.
Carmen quickly learned and applied many of the parent-child relationship building techniques. She has come to see how a creation of a healing environment that is rooted in making her daughters feel safe, heard and valued is essential for strengthening their bond. Although this progress has not been void of mistakes, Carmen sees how to reframe these instances into valuable learning opportunities. Today Carmen relishes the time she is able to spend with her daughter and is proud of the progress she has made. From these techniques and changes comes the eventual reconnection, bonding and reunification of mother and daughter.
Despite the challenges of COVID-19, Carmen, her 9-year-old daughter, and I, made our connections mostly through Zoom and telehealth. Although it was not an ideal setting, it allowed Carmen to practice the skills she was learning in a distraction free environment and to come to understand the simplicity of quality time.
My most rewarding experience has been and continues to be, pointing out and reinforcing Carmen’s strengths to herself. As a result, Carmen is becoming more comfortable with recognizing her capabilities and accomplishments. She is learning what it feels like to be an advocate for herself and the empowering feelings this leaves her with.
I started coaching Carmen in December 2020 and I will continue my work with Carmen and her two daughters for the foreseeable future. Even though I am Carmen’s coach, I want to clarify that I am not here to solve her problems for her. Instead, I support Carmen’s development of adaptive parenting skills, relationship building and self-advocacy. Ultimately, I guide Carmen to discover the inner strength she harbors to take on the challenges she is faced with to create the family’s wellbeing.